Mya was certainly onto something with her 2000 hit “Case of the Ex.”
Dealing with a man or woman who keeps in touch with their ex feels sort of like being an emotional third wheel. Simply put: it sucks.
But there are levels to the case of the ex. There’s the ex your lover periodically checks in with to see how they’re doing. The ex who can’t seem to let go or take no for an answer. And then there’s the ex who seemingly still holds a special place in your man’s heart; you know the one who left all the emotional scars.
There’s nothing worse than dating someone who walks around still holding on to their past relationships. It can be a thorn is one’s side trying to build something with someone who still owns emotional baggage somewhere else. It’s sort of like inviting someone into your home and they unexpectedly bring with them a box full of junk that eventually clutters up your space over time.
It’s a mess.
So here are the rules: exes are not to be communicated with. Unless the two share children or property, there’s absolutely no reason they should be speaking unless it’s on a “hi” and “bye” basis. Any person who respects you would honor you enough to severe ties with an ex.
Now if your lover happens to be emotionally scarred from their ex, then you’ve found yourself in a deeper dilemma. Breakup hang-ups can be dangerous because it often points to the possibility that they’re not yet over their ex; they’re still in love or holding on to hope that they could someday reunite with them. The problem is, however, most people would never admit this to someone they’re currently dating. This is where your intuition comes into play. To what extent do they seem to be affected by their ex? Are they emotionally unavailable to you? Do you find it difficult for them to open up to you or commit?
The general rubric comes down to one simple thing, which is how long you’ve actually been dating. This will determine how you should move forward. Anyone you’ve been dating for a considerable amount of time should either get over the ex or kiss your butt goodbye. Its totally counterproductive to commit your time and energy into someone who could very well leave you to get back with an ex, or at the very least not give you what you truly deserve.
If, however, you haven’t been dating for too long and you’re still getting to know each other, it’s perfectly fine to work through the kinks and see where it goes. Sometimes you don’t really know there’s someone better out there until someone better actually comes along. Give them time to see that something new could wind up being the greatest thing to ever happen to them. Give them a little time to see what they have in you is far better than what they had with their ex.
But that doesn’t mean turn a blind eye or to be a fool. Keep your options open in the dating pool and don’t get your hopes up. Hopefully, your instincts will lead you in the right direction. Dating at the end of the day comes down to very simple principles; which are being open and honest; freely giving one’s time; and truly taking the time to learn and grow with another individual. If for some reason their ex baggage seems to be getting in the way of that, run for the hills girl!
No man who gives half of his heart deserves you, and you don’t deserve anyone’s pieces.